Focus On the New You

During this time in the new year many of us focus on making resolutions. Resolution is defined in the Webster’s dictionary (its denotative meaning) as: “… act of resolving: analysis; solution: state of being resolved: fixed determination: that which is resolved…” and my personal favorite part of the definition in musical terms “…progression from discord to concord…” Words worth repeating “…progression from discord to concord…”

What better time than now to turn our personal and professional discord (at any level) to personal and professional concord (at any level). Therefore, this column is dedicated to those of you who took the time to send in your questions in an attempt to create a process to turn discord to concord, i.e., to resolve those issues and behaviors that thrive in your lives and that you know (really know) are not working, and not comfortable, not right, and no longer worth deserving of your time and your energy.

May this New Year capture the human spirit of focusing on what is and what can be controlled rather than focusing on what was, could have been, should be, may be – those thoughts that are totally no longer in our control. I recall words I once read on a poster hanging in a card store and will paraphrase them for you, since I do not recall the author – just the words: “…There are two days of the week totally out of your control. They are yesterday and tomorrow…” So, today, let’s focus on what is – today.

AS YOU REQUESTED:
“I read your article on Delegation on liwomen.com and I have done what you suggested, but I have found that it is much easier to do it myself. By the time I train them, correct their mistakes, get them focused – it is easier to just do it myself.”

MOC RESPONDS:
Delegation is more than telling people what you want them to do and then hope that they will do it. Delegation requires a ‘training / communication process’ that does take time to be put into place. Initially extra time is spent in doing this, and yet, later on, extra time is saved for you to do and accomplish what you should be doing and accomplishing. This means more than doing the work that others should be doing. Delegation is also the nurturing process that you need to maintain to grow the people on your team and move them to their next level of peak performance.

The point is: how can you move forward to do bigger and different things that you know in your heart of hearts you should be doing, when you are anchored down with ‘stuff’ that other people are expected (and paid) to do? Sit quietly for awhile – meditate on what your goals are to expand your job by bringing into you more enthusiasm and greater challenges. Think carefully and quietly in serious silence and answer these questions:

Spend the time in your inner silence and you will find the necessary answers to lead your organization by using the people-growing tool known as delegation.

AS YOU REQUESTED:
“I was called in for my annual performance review and was given many compliments. The only suggestion that was pointed out was that at times I came across as having an attitude, as if I was angry or annoyed. I don’t get it. I watch what I say and choose my words carefully. I do my work carefully, on time, and thoroughly. What am I doing to come
across as having an attitude. I ask questions when I don’t understand something; hallways, etc. Help!”

MOC RESPONDS:
From your question, I can see that you watch what you say and that you complete the tasks for which you are responsible. Kudos to you! And yet, are you conscious of your facial expressions (especially eye contact, eyebrow movements), your body language (the way you sit; your arm
crossing, your head nodding and shaking, etc.) as well as the tone of your voice as you say your carefully chosen words????

Becoming a self-monitor to listen and observe (as if you are having an out-of-body communication experience) is a challenge and a necessity in image management. What kind of impression do you want to make when you enter a room, meet and greet people, attend staff meetings, ask questions, give your input, etc., etc. How do you come across when in a hurry? When you are under pressure? When you are distracted with personal stress? Do you show inadvertently your impatience with or even dislike of another person? Do you show inadvertently how you feel when someone with whom you are annoyed enters a room? The list of self-assessment questions is never-ending.

You may not realize it, and yet, you must always assume that other people’s eyes and ears are watching and listening to you! They may be picking up certain unintended messages! It is your responsibility to package yourself and project yourself in the way you choose to come across, no matter how you are feeling inside. It is your responsibility to
perform the important and tedious task of answering these self-monitoring (self-checking) questions:

We communicate so much without ever saying a word. Remember: You may not be aware of how you look and sound when you speak and listen to other people and yet everyone else is observing you and definitely aware of how you look and sound to them. Be conscious of your image projection. Turn off the automatic pilot and take control of the messages you want to send to other people. Remember, once again, we communicate so much without ever saying a word!

AS YOU REQUESTED:
“I’m just starting out in a new telesales venture, selling industrial tools over the telephone. The guy who is training me is 35 years of age and has been doing this for 15 years. He is successful, earning hundreds of thousands a year. While he is training me from his office, I am making calls while reading from a script. At the same time he is yelling at me and telling me what to say, while I am on the phone with a customer. This is very stressful for me and my nerves are shattered due to the mental strain of trying to do well, talking to the customer, listening to my boss’ instructions – all at the same time. I know that I can do this work since I
have made several sales already and have always been successful at my other jobs. I just can’t cope with the yelling and noise and confusion. I can’t even hear myself think. I’d appreciate any constructive suggestions.”

MOC RESPONDS:
You have every right to feel the way you do as does your boss -- given this same situation. Both of you are approaching the situation of interacting with customers on the phone and your new position with different viewpoints, different perspectives.

Just as it is important to learn how to give criticism; it is also important to learn how to receive criticism. So, it is our responsibility to help people know what kind of criticism works best for us and when are the best times for us to receive criticism.

You have a few choices on how to respond. You can quietly receive the 'suggestions' and take the most from what is given to you, always reminding yourself that your boss cares about you growing and doing the best work. Otherwise, he would not take the time to attend to you and your  performance. You can also remind yourself that he is doing the best he knows how (today) in teaching you and this method may have worked for him as well as the other people he coached.

OR You can show that you are upset and annoyed and not say anything.

OR****** You can assert yourself using I-TALK. Here is a suggested template for some scripting that you can use to design your own feedback to your boss, helping him to know what works best with you when coaching you.

"Mr. Boss, I am having a serious problem and need your help in solving it. Is now a good time to speak with you? (If he says yes, then proceed.) I appreciate and welcome any input and suggestions you can give me to help me interact more effectively with my customers on the phone. I do best when spoken to between calls (after you observe me) or even in role play situations. I know that you want me to learn quickly to be most successful. However, I get very nervous and confused when I am listening to you in the background trying to help me while I am on the phone with a customer. I find that I cannot hear myself think. This stresses me out and keeps me from using what I am learning.

In the future I would like for us to discuss phone calls before and after I make them permitting me to use what you are recommending. In this way, I can practice on the real calls, feel less confused, and more confident and in control. In the past, I have found that this is the best way to speed up my learning curve. I need your experiences and knowledge to achieve this. This will help me to stay in the zone."

As you can see, this is just a beginning. Use your own words and spoken language to be more confident and comfortable. Choose a good time to speak to your boss, i.e., observe when he tends to be in the best of his listening moods and approach him during these times. Avoid speaking to him during those times you know he tends to listen ineffectively.

Avoid putting your boss on the defensive. Use I-TALK. Sound
confident and sincere. Speak slowly and deliberately. Maintain good eye contact. AND if he does make the necessary changes to help you grow and do a better job, be sure to speak with him and reinforce these behaviors with compliments. Always show appreciation to the ways people treat you that help you to feel valued and appreciated. Always follow–up any criticism that you present to others with some kind of feedback. Help people learn how to treat you. They are not mind-readers, just people doing the best they know how today. Your responsibility is to help people learn how to do better tomorrow when interacting with you.