Basic Self-Controls To Interact Effectively With People And How To Avoid The Biggest Breakdown In Communication

What is the biggest breakdown when communicating with people? Misunderstanding, yes, misunderstanding.

Remember, in our growing up years, when we were told: 'think before you speak.'  Any experts in interpersonal communication skills worth their weight in gold will reinforce this advice that should be taken when the results (outcomes) of the interaction are important.  What would you consider important outcomes?  That will depend on the situation - you, your needs, your goal, your reasons for interacting with this person, your communication partner's goals, needs,  etc. 

Do you want to make a positive impression, even though you are feeling intimidated?
 
Do you have to interact with a co-worker you cannot stand, and yet, you do not want to show how you feel?
 
Do you want to close the sale with a prospect who is curt and obnoxious?
 
Do you have to deal with a hostile customer?  

You probably  can think of many different times during which you needed self-control to attain the desired results you set out to achieve when first entering the interaction.  This is called identity management, the strategies that we (the people) use to influence others on how to view (perceive) us.

By taking such control you, then, can slow down the communication process and turn off the automatic pilot as a communicator.  This enables you to interact purposefully and consciously with others.  Take a closer look at three of the self-control strategies that  you may choose to help you be more competent and effective as a communicator.

SELF-CONTROL #1:  The Intent-Impact Strategy
       
Before saying a word or listening to a word, ask yourself:  what exactly is my intent in communicating with this person?  What do I want to achieve? 

Then answer:  by me looking this way (include your posture, movements, facial expressions, etc), what is the possible impact on the other person? 

Answer:  by me sounding this way (include your vocal pitch, loudness, rate, diction), what is the possible impact on the other person?  

Answer:  by me using this language what is the possible impact on the other person?

SELF-CONTROL#2:  The Think-Act Strategy

 People typically take four action steps when communicating with each other.

  1. THINK:  deliberately planning, critical thinking, premeditation  

  2. ACT:  doing physical, observable behaviors

  3. FEEL:  experiencing the emotions such as:  sad, happy, hurt feelings, defensiveness, anger, etc. 

  4. REACT:  responding automatically with no forethought or premeditation.

Depending on which sequence the steps are taken, you will either interact with defensive, seemingly out of control behavior or with professional, composed, seemingly in control behavior.
   
When we react and take things personally without thought, typically the steps we take are in the order of:  react / feel  - act - then think (Note: such thinking occurs in the hallways, or in the car riding home.) with such reactions as:  how could I have done that?  What was I thinking?  What a foolish thing to say..

When we maintain self-control and act in business-like ways, these steps are typically taken in the order of:  think / act - then feel / react.   TAKE A CLOSE LOOK: THE IMPORTANT STEPS TO TAKE ARE THINK - ACT, when you want to achieve certain results and be in control.

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